The urge to pace the hall way is overwhelming. First I shuffle down to one end, then turn and shuffle back. I am obliviouse to everything except the need to be going some where. At intervals throughout the day nurses stop me, they coax me into taking my meds, (they call them a cocktail). After the short interuption I continue on my way. I will do this for another week.

I was starting to become aware of my suroundings. I must have built up a tolerance to the meds. "It was cold". I mean really really cold! I pulled the blanket up over my head with the hope that my breath would help warm it up. Why was it so cold? My teeth were chattering. I couldn't stop shivering. I got out of bed and walked to the door. I needed another blanket. "GET BACK IN YOU'RE ROOM"! (That was the desk nurse behind the protective glass of the staff room.) I stammered that I was cold and that I needed another blanket, my teeth were still chattering. The nurse looked at me and rolled her eyes. I will see what I can do, after my report, but everyone is only allowed one blanket each. I went back into my room. It was just starting to get light. I walked over to the window and watched the sun rise. If I stood way over in the left corner, I could just make out the sun starting to come up. I never saw the nurse or got another blanket.

I took a hell of a trip, “I wish I could have been there”.
(the continuation)

Three years ago this month will mark my one and only “manic” episode. It's the beginning of my adventures in the One flew over the coo-coos nest community. It all started .... (Other parts are in my archives.)

I had been up for three days with out sleep. That didn't help the way my brain was processing things. They asked me if I wanted to go to jail or to a hospital? I've been to jail so I said the hospital. I had been arguing with my wife after my return from California. ( I have never hit a woman and I never will.) The jailed in California because of my wife part is in my archives.

She was in Wisconsin. Thats where she made the call from. I call it my long distance arrest. It kind of got thing rolling. Any way, after being taken into custody I started to slip into a dream / nightmare type world. Things were all weird looking and nothing made sense.

I was in the squad car and then I was in a hospital exam room. I remember starting to get upset because no body would tell me anything. I remember being rolled over onto my stomach and held down while a doctor gave me a shot.

I woke up to the sound of screaming. I was laying in a bed and I was freezing cold. The light coming trough the window was fading and so was I. “I herd the screaming again”. Looking out the door I saw three people dragging a small person down the hall. She was screaming “NOOO! No, no, no, no, NOOOOOO”!!! Her name was Brandy. I met her a few days latter. The other person in my room was tied down. A nurse sat in a chair by the door. My eyes closed as I pondered this strange dream. The next day; or maybe two, it's hard to tell. I awoke to Screaming again. This time I got out of bed and looked out the door. (“NOOOOOO”!!!) They were dragging her kicking and screaming into a room at the end of the hall. A nurse came to my door a shut it in my face. I remember eating breakfast with others. The man that was tied down in my room was gone. I was trying to get a hold of my thoughts, “where was I”? The dream wasn't changing the way dreams are supposed to.

I met Brandy the next day at breakfast. She is about five foot five and a hundred and ten or so, with curly shoulder length brown hair. Just a sweet little thing. She was always wanting hugs from the nurses. She would follow you around and just chatter about (???) “couldn't understand her”.

She just didn't like to be alone. They put us in our rooms at ten pm or so. Rite before the shift change. The nurses have to keep putting Brandy back into her room; (she hates to be alone and she is the only person in her room.)

The night shift is on now. When Brandy came out of her room a nurse walked by and I went out to tell him that Brandy didn't like to be alone. I was told to get back in my room. they grabbed and dragged her to her room. I stepped out into the hall to get a better look. A nurse told me to get back into my room or I would be moved to a different room. I went and sat on the bed for awhile. (“NO NOOO NOO NO NOOOOOO”!!!!!!) It was Brandy! Poor thing. When they were at the end of the hall I walked over to explain things. Three more nurses were nice enough to escort me to a room next to Brandy's. It consists of four walls and a metal bed with four with strains, one on each corner. I really couldn't believe what was happening to me. First they give you Thorazine (a big shot). When it starts to kick in, you are brought over to the metal bed. After I was strapped down I told the nurse that I had to go to the bathroom;. He said “just go”.

(I found out where they took Brandy every night.) The different shifts were as different as night and day. “Literally”.

{To be continued}